Pity Party, Table for One

Got the notification for Elijah's IEP meeting.  I noticed, among the usual attendees, the speech therapist was added.  Elijah originally qualified for SpEd because of speech, so it's not a shock to see her there, but he had not needed speech services this year.  He had continued in SpEd because other learning issues had presented themselves.  It seems now that speech is once again an issue.  No big deal really.  His speech is clear enough that anyone can understand him, but her name on the notice compelled me to have a quick conversation with his teacher after school today.  That conversation only solidified something I've known for awhile, yet suddenly is more than I want to handle at the moment.  Elijah isn't just a bit behind.  His challenges aren't going to right themselves with just a bit more time. Something in his brain isn't wired the way a typical learner's brain is wired, and we can't just "re-wire' him.


I KNOW this is small potatoes.  I KNOW how lucky I am that he is healthy, and active and I KNOW how blessed we are. I AM so grateful for him, and I DON'T want to change anything about him, or his brothers. Well, ok, I admit it would be nice if his sound system had a setting other than loud and "omigosh, the neighbors are going to think I'm abusing him" - but other than that, I don't want to change anything about any of my kids.  I just wish that one of them didn't have to look forward to a path filled with challenges.  I wish just one of my kids could have a typical learning experience.  I wish things didn't have to be so much harder for them.


I know I need to get over myself, quit whining and put on my big girl panties and all that.  Yada yada yada. I will.  Later today, with a nice bottle of wine and my fellow Special Needs Moms. But for now, I just don't have the energy or the inclination to find the silver lining, or bask in the joy of life lessons, and pretend that life is always all rainbows and unicorns.  Sometimes, being the mom of three kids with special needs just plain sucks.  Today is one of those days.  Tomorrow will be better.  Tomorrow I get to spend the day with 100 other parents walking my same journey and I will find strength in our shared challenges. But for today, I just need to vent.  And have a glass of wine.