If you read my last post, I had kind of a crappy day on Friday. I got over it, and we are all in a better place today, and it actually started to get better not long after I wrote that post. I got to spend the evening with some of my favorite moms, who let me know, it wasn't a table for one. Sometimes it may feel that way, but I was reminded that I am never ever alone. It's reassuring to find out there is nothing wrong with me for wanting to cry sometimes, and that there is nothing wrong with me for admitting that this journey is not always sunshine, rainbows and unicorns, and that others read my vents and are grateful to know they too, are not alone.
More importantly though, I reminded that I am so lucky and grateful to be travelling this road. If it weren't for the fact that my children have special needs, I wouldn't have crossed paths, and developed deep friendships with, some of the most wonderful, kind, loving and inspiring people. I simply cannot imagine my life without them. They bring such a depth of joy, and love to this life. So yeah, sometime it sucks, big time. But the upside is that most of the time, I am surrounded and supported by so much love. Not just for me, but for my children. That my boys are loved and cherished by my family and me unconditionally is a given. That they can be cherished and valued by others who truly see them is such a great gift.
Tonight I get to hang out with those same moms, only tonight we get to celebrate our amazing kids, and plan for them, and it will be a happy occasion. And in just a couple of weeks, we are going to sit in a theater, and share tears of pride as our very special kids get on a stage and shine a light that tells the world how special they truly are. No one will be happier or prouder of their kids than we will be that weekend. And that joy is only intensified by our recent moments of "this sucks." It is precisely because it is sometimes so very hard, because we can share that difficulty, that the intensity of joy during the moment of accomplishment are so much deeper.
One of my favorite movies is Parenthood, and one of my favorite scenes is when the Grandmother explains why she prefers the roller coaster to the carousel. "Up, down, up, down. Oh, what a ride! I always wanted to go again. You know, it was just so interesting to me that a ride could make me so frightened, so scared, so sick, so excited and so thrilled all together! Some didn't like it. They went on the merry-go-round. Nothing. I like the roller coaster. You get more out of it."
I love the roller coaster too. Always have been a roller coaster kind of girl! Maybe there was a reason for that. "Pity Party" days just come with the ride, and my fellow roller coaster enthusiasts get that. I now they, like me, will gladly take the down days because the thrills and unadulterated JOY that come with it are completely worth the bad days. The best thing about the roller coaster is that it is more fun with friends, and I have been blessed with so many wonderful people with whom to share the ride. Today, we are flying high, but when the next drop comes, we will be ready, and we won't be riding alone.
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