Heartbreaking

In an elementary school in Florida last week, the unthinkable happened. A five year old boy was humiliated and demeaned in front of his class . . . by his teacher. The little boy's name is Alex, and Alex is currently being evaluated for Asperger's, an Autism Spectrum Disorder. His teacher decided the best way to deal with Alex's behavior challenges was to make him stand in front of his classmates, then call on each one in turn to tell Alex what they disliked about him, and in the end called a class vote to remove him from class. Fourteen of his classmates voted him out. Two children voted to let him stay. He was then sent to the nurse's office until his mother came to get him.

This story at once deeply saddens me and infuriates me. I am both a teacher and a mother, and I cannot comprehend what thought process led to this woman thinking that this was in any way an acceptable way to deal with children, much less a child who has special needs. How did she not see the damage she was inflicting, not only on Alex, but on the entire class? What lesson did she teach these children about how we treat each other as human beings? What lesson did she teach them about understanding those who are different than we are? Instead of teaching them about patience and compassion, she taught them that it is okay to ridicule and demean. Instead of teaching them acceptance, she taught them to exclude and ostracize. What a terrible legacy to leave her students.

And what about Alex. I cried when I read this because it does hit so close to home. People who know little about Asperger's will often look at a child and see someone who is bothersome or annoying. I know my son wants more than anything just to have friends. He longs to fit in and be accepted, but it is a growing challenge for him to connect to other kids in meaningful ways, though he tries very hard to do just that. Children with Asperger's lack the kind of social cues that come naturally to the rest of us, such as the ability to read facial expression or body language. They don't perceive subtleties in tone. They don't get sarcasm. Children with Aspergers thrive on structure and routine and often have difficulties coping with changes to routine. Alex and his family had only moved to the area this January, a huge change that can be very difficult for children like Alex.

Children with Aspergers often have an intense interest in a very narrow range of subjects, and have uncommon knowledge about their preferred subjects. This can cause difficulties on the playground or in group settings when the child literally cannot switch tracks to engage in another type of play, and cannot understand why others don't want to play the same way s/he does. The child will often talk a lot about the favorite subject, with one-sided conversations being common. They don't know how to give and take in conversation. For Nick, when he gets started talking about pirates he simply cannot turn it off until every last thought is out of his head and verbalized. This can take a long time! In a social situation, this can create barriers to forming friendships.

Children with Asperger's very often also have symptoms of sensory integration disfunction. They have heightened sensitivity and can easily become overstimulated by loud noises, bright lights, or textures. When Nick is overwhelmed by his environment, it affects his ability to focus and follow along. I imagine much of little Alex's behavior problems can be attributed to this.

Reading stories like Alex's makes me anxious for Nick. Thus far, we have been blessed with truly remarkable teachers who see Nick for who he is and know how to support him and guide him. But I fear that will not always be the case. It is going to be challenging enough for him to navigate the often treacherous waters of social interaction with his peers, without having to worry that a teacher might someday also be one of his tormentors.

Little Alex should never have been treated that way, no matter what behavior challenges he presented. Nor should his peers have been taught that it is okay to treat others in this fashion. I can only hope that this teacher is no longer allowed to teach, and that Alex finds the kind of teacher he deserves; one who will nurture and support him, not belittle and demean him because he is different. Isn't that what all children deserve?

If you are interested in signing a petition to have this teacher removed, you can go here, where you will also find a link to the story.

My Special Boy at the Special Games

Not to be confused with the Special Olympics, for which Gabe is too young yet, a local chapter of Kiwanis hosts a Special Games event for local kids with special needs. There is an opening ceremony with parade and lots of events for the kids to "compete." It was a wonderful day, despite the 100 degree temperature. Peanut really had a grand time participating! Due to the extreme heat, the athletes lost steam after the first couple of events, and everyone started to break for refreshments and snacks early. They ended up breaking down the events early, I think for safety's sake. The two events Gabe participated in were the Flag Relay and the Tennis Ball Toss. I am so looking forward to this event in the future! Here are some pictures from the day and my beautiful boy having fun at the games!

MS Walk in Monterey

Last weekend I did the MS Walk in Monterey with a couple of my best girlfriends. It's become a tradition, started by my friend Lisa, that I really look forward to each year. The first year we did it, we got lost on the way to the start line and ended up doing about four extra miles! Life with my girlfriends is always an adventure! We stay overnight the night before and go out to dinner. In the past we've gone to this really good Italian place called Cibo, but Julie has a thing against "good Italian," so this year we did Mexican, and had some kickass margaritas. Hope the girls remind me next year that I should stop at one! Then we go back to the motel and Lisa usually stays up making all of our team T-shirts, all the while regaling us with some hilarious story about her life. Lisa is the best storyteller, no matter what the subject, she'll make you laugh so hard you'll get tears in your eyes. Unfortunately, this year the weather was downright frigid, so we never got to show off her hard work, but I did get a picture when we got home. What is with all this fog on the coast anyway? ;^) It really was extremely cold - colder than I have ever experienced in Monterey, so I was happy to find that the route took us right by Starbucks. We stopped along the way so I could get my venti-nonfat-8-pump-no-water-chai. Yummm. Even in cold weather, Monterey is always beautiful. This year we even got to see the seals (or were they sea lions?) lying around on the beach. I can't wait until next year! Here are some pictures from the walk.