Bad Mom Award

Here it is, my bad mom moment for the week.  Nick was on the verge of tears and I pushed him right on over the edge in to full on cry.  By laughing. Out loud.  In front of him.

We were getting ready for school, and while he was supposed to be eating breakfast I was getting my clothes, when he came in on the verge of tears to tell me that there was something in his ear and he couldn't get it out.  I made quick a glance and saw nothing.  I told him I didn't see anything.  He was insistent, and said it really hurt.  I still didn't see anything, when he confessed "It's a carrot!"  I pulled his lobe a bit and looked closer and sure enough, there was a broken off piece of carrot lodged in the canal.  And I burst out in a fit of giggles.  I'm sorry, I know that's not very supportive of me, but . .   a carrot?  He's TEN!   Shouldn't he have outgrown the compulsion to stick food into orifices other than the mouth by now?  I guess the memory of the goldfish cracker when he was four has faded.  I tried to suppress the giggles while I asked him "Can you please explain to me the thought process that lead to this decision?" but that just made him cry more, so I stopped giggling, apologized, and gave him a big hug.  I got a toothpick and promised him that I would only try once, and then take it to the doctor if  I couldn't get it out.  Fortunately, it came out without much effort, and he even managed to laugh at the whole situation.

That was yesterday.  Wonder what they have in store for me today?

I'm Still Working On It

This week, we finally signed the IEP for Nicholas.  It's official.  I have three kids in Special Ed.  For anyone reading this who hasn't heard the term IEP, it stand for Individualized Education Plan, and every child in SpEd has one. It lays out the qualifications, and goals for the child for the year. Ever year, we meet, go over the progress, and rewrite the goals.

The decision of the IEP team, in Nick's case, is to send him to a different school in the district for 5th grade, so that he can participate in a program for kids with high functioning Autism and Aspergers. It is a Special Day class, he will not be mainstreamed.  The program is wonderful and I know he is going to thrive there.  I am even hopeful he will make some real friends.  On the whole, this is a good thing.  Yet, when I went to sign the paperwork, I just wanted to cry.  

I'm not even sure why.  We are so blessed.  I have more than one friend whose children have had to fight just to live.  My friends deal with brain tumors, and leukemia, and liver cancer.  My kids have it so easy in comparison.  But I still want to cry, and I feel guilty for feeling that way.

I know in my head how lucky we are.  I know in my head that while it won't necessarily be easy, they will be okay and happy.  My heart just hasn't quite got the message yet.  It still feels the sting of seeing my son in tears after being teased and bullied.  It feels the sting of judgment and assumption that comes when others look at my kids and don't see them for who they are.  It feels the sting when I can see in people's eyes that they see labels and stereotypes instead of people: "Down Syndrome"  Autistic"  "weirdo"  . . .  the r-word.

I am grateful.  I am, truly, grateful that my children are healthy, and don't have to fight the battles other children do.  But in my heart, that's not enough.  I want them to be seen for who they are,  accepted as is,  included and valued for their unique gifts.  It's not too much to ask is it?

Or maybe, I just need to focus less on what the world thinks, and spend more energy on being grateful for the privilege of being their mom, and for their health and all the love and support that surround us.  Maybe I just  need to get over myself and my hangups.  I'm trying. 

I hope my stronger friends, whose children have real fights to fight, will forgive me, and be patient with me.  I look up to you, and want to be more like you.

I'm still a work in progress.

Introducing My New Son

After dinner, Robert and I were in the bedroom chatting on the bed, when Elijah came in and ever-so-calmly held up his pinky finger and said "Gabriel bit me."  Usually, when Gabriel bites his brother, we know right away.  The ear-piercing screech which immediately melts into hysterical sobs are a dead giveaway. Of course, that is also Elijah's reaction when Gabe opens the car door before he can do it, so his matter-of-fact presentation of the offense was highly unusual, not to mention highly suspect.  I responded to this report with "Are you sure he bit you?  You're not screaming bloody murder."  He immediately tilted back his head, contorted his face and began crying as though he had been grievously injured.  Robert and I just started laughing.  Not receiving the response he had hoped for, he took a deep breath to stop his tears and asked "Are you going to go get Gabey in trouble?"  Um, no.  We just laughed harder.  And told him we are changing his name.  So, I am pleased and amused to introduce to you my new son, Phakey T. McPhakerson.  T stands for Tattles.  Or maybe we should go with Phakey McTattlepants? Have to think on it. 

On Thomas Jefferson

I was going to write a long, thoughtful piece about Thomas Jefferson, his views on religion, and economy and social safety nets, but I am tired and lacking patience today, and I have progress reports to finish, so I'll just make this short and sweet, and save the deeper discussion on our Third President for a later day.

I just want to say, if you are going to make it a point to quote Jefferson in defense of your  ideology, please make sure he did in fact say what you think he did.  Please.  As the election season heats up in earnest, I am seeing and hearing the same old ridiculous quotations, and I really wish people would do some homework before repeating them. So, here it is, for those who can't be bothered to do their own homework.

"My reading of history convinces me that most bad government has grown out of too much government."   

He never said this.  What he did write, in a letter penned in 1807 and addressed to John Norvell is that "History, in general, only informs us what bad government is."  He offers no indication what that is, nor any judgments on the size of government.  Interestingly, in the same letter, Jefferson recommends, among others, the writings of John Locke, who many consider to be the father of liberalism. 

As an aside, for those of us who follow politics, but are distrustful of today's media, this letter is an interesting read, in that it reveals Thomas Jefferson having the same misgivings.  You can read the letter here. This  is a taste of his reservation: "It is a melancholy truth, that a suppression of the press could not more compleatly deprive the nation of it's benefits, than is done by it's abandoned prostitution to falsehood. Nothing can now be believed which is seen in a newspaper. Truth itself becomes suspicious by being put into that polluted vehicle."

If he only knew.

Moving on . . .

"The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who would not."

Another favorite of people who operate under the offensive assumption that those in need are lazy do-nothings who aren't willing to pull their own weight. A lazy excuse for not caring about others, in my opinion.  Some defend this one by referencing another quote, which appears to be a note to an editor regarding his translation of Destutt de Tracy's Treatise on Political Economy, "To take from one, because it is thought that his own industry and that of his fathers has acquired too much, in order to spare to others, who, or whose fathers have not exercised equal industry and skill, is to violate arbitrarily the first principle of association, -€˜the guarantee to every one of a free exercise of his industry, & the fruits acquired by it.'"   The ways that even this quote has been misused and abused is fodder for an entirely separate blog post. Suffice it to say that seniors, the poor and the disabled would not likely be classified by Jefferson as people who have "not exercised equal industry and skill." 

"That government is best which governs least." There is no record of Jefferson ever saying or writing this.

Aaaaand , last one for today.  Gotta get those progress reports turned in.

"Democracy is nothing more than mob rule, where 51% of the people may take away the rights of the other 49%."  Contrary to this sentiment, what Jefferson said in his 1801 Inaugural Address was “All, too, will bear in mind this sacred principle, that though the will of the majority is in all cases to prevail, that will, to be rightful, must be reasonable; that the minority possess their equal rights, which equal laws must protect, and to violate which would be oppression.”  

 Reasonable.  Does the Tea Party even understand that concept?

OK - Vent over. Progress reports, here I come.