My Mom

Today - and everyday - I am so immensely grateful for my mom.  I really don't think I could get through this journey called motherhood without her support and guidance.  She is kind and generous and loving to a fault, and she is the strongest woman I know.  I never really understood how strong she is until I finally became a mom myself.  Now that I have three kids, like she did, I am more in awe of her than ever.  The biggest fear of every mother is something happening to their children.  My mom lived that nightmare, and through it all, never lost herself or her ability to care for my brother and me.  I was eight when my youngest brother, Gabriel, died at the age of 17 months.  I know she cried all the time, but the memories of her doing so are vague.  The stronger memories for me, are the ones of her always being there for me, to comfort my fears, dry my tears and answers my questions, of which there were many.

When I contemplate what it must be like to lose a child, I can't fathom it.  All I can think is that it would leave me so broken, I couldn't possibly keep going.  How do those moms do it?  How did mine?  I don't know.  All I know is that she survived, and carried my brother and me with her, and I can never express how grateful I am for her strength.

She has carried me with her strength over and over again; when we got the diagnosis for our Gabriel, when she gave us her blessing to name him Gabriel, when he had to have open heart surgery, when he was rushed to the hospital in an ambulance from Yosemite, when Nicholas was diagnosed . . .over and over and over again, when I needed someone to hold me up and assure me we would make it through, she has been there.

Thank you Mom.  I love you and am so grateful for you.  Thank you God for giving me such an amazing mom.  I pray you will let me keep her for many more years to come.